I learned about Romance from Mills and Boon novels. That was my first source of how the whole being in love thing was supposed to work. I think it probably was the primary source of romance information for many girls of my generation.

What Mills and Boon novels taught was this; men should be strong, forceful, have square jaws, long muscular legs, six packs, money, power and respect. That was supposed to be Your Average Male. Furthermore, he never takes 'no' for an answer- especially not from the heroine. Good sexx therefore involves having her clothes torn off and her bust exposed; she kind of gets forced into it with the caveat that the guy is gentle in the end.

For the heroine, the ideal guy is apparently one who enters her life through some violent means - kidnapping, burning down ships on which she is a passenger, winning her only dwelling in a game of cards, employing her as a servant then sexxually harassing her- basically she is somehow in his power. This is alleged to make the woman weak at the knees and in danger of swooning every time she sets eyes on her 'Alejandro' (don't forget his square jaw, piercing eyes and six pack!)

Furthermore, when he forces his kisses on her, she is immediately aroused by them and 'helpless to stop him'. To add insult to complete fantasy; the breaking of her virginity is never painful and she always has an orgasm...

Unfortunately for all women who take this as gospel, we never speak to each other about the mechanics of sex to each other. We are embarrassed by the fact that we like sex, so we pretend we only do it because our partner wants to. I only just recently found out that a large proportion of women have never had an orgasm from having genital penetrative sexx. I read it in a magazine.

I'm sorry but I just do not believe that there are a few women who are born with the ability to orgasm and the rest not. I think there is more to it than that. Inadequate knowledge of what to expect, limited intimacy with one's partner, unrealistic expectations of said partner, distractions... sex is in the mind. This is especially true for women. If you are not in the right head space, it's unlikely that the joys of climax will be yours. This is one area in which it is unwise to multitask.

Furthermore, we all must take the misconceptions peddled by romance novels and trash them. They are playing with your head. Making good love, and violence do not make good bedfellows. Being able to trust your partner, actually wanting to have intercourse, having adequate privacy in which to express your emotions and most importantly knowing what pleases you are a recipe for good sex. These conditions ensure you're more relaxed, less self-conscious and able to communicate with your partner.

So let us recap; sexx is in the mind, you have to be in the right head space to have an orgasm, sexx and violence do not mix, Mills and Boon men don't exist- last but not least...the secret to good sex is YOU.